Sometimes there are times where everything stops, when that happens i find myself looking into the past. I look at the pictures, the stories I wrote, the conversations I had… and that sometimes makes me miss of what it used to be… I say forget about the past, which is easy to say but for me it takes more than my soul to forget.
I see his face every night. through my dreams he is still alive. I can wake up and smell him on my sheets. When I see him I fall into tears, because being with him is all I wish. Loving him is so hard when I’m not near him. Loving him, when he does not love me hurts me even more. I’ve been talking about my “John” for three years now. And I simply wonder when i would stop yearning for his soul.
there is a certain time of the year, when I become weak, and we are on that place as we speak. weakness is soaring through my veins. and I have to fight with myself to forget of what was and to make a present.
“Trust is a difficult thing, whether it’s finding the right people to trust or trusting the right people to do the wrong thing. But trusting your heart is the riskiest thing of all. In the end that you can truly trust is ourselves.”—Emily Thorne (Revenge)
The fourth time, I wonder how many more times do we get until we get it right. We come together after 3-6 months that’s the longest we have been apart, I know because everyday I record the time. I become aware of his absent. I record my tears, my thoughts for the love I’ve evoked on him. I wonder how much more time till we get it right. Sometimes I get tired and walk away, but when I miss him so much my stomach turns into knots my heart wrinkles and my lungs can’t resist the air, he walks in again to puts me back together. I wonder how long till we get back together….